Site update/Call Of Duty 4 review/ Condemned 2 first glance

Ok i’ve just changed the theme of my blog, I haven’t decided if it’s permanent yet so bear with me the next few days if i keep on tweaking things.

Ok this is going to be pretty short as COD 4 is simply a brilliant game. What’s there to say? the fps gaming is rock solid fun and the graphics are really good (note: I’m reviewing the ps3 version). I can’t fault the actual game in any real way (apart from perhaps a 5 minute cutscene where you really wanna shoot something but that’s just really if i had to nitpick). It’s a shame the game is so short; I played continuously for what felt like 5 hours and I completed story mode although looking at the stats I actually played for twice that long (time flies when your having fun). To increase its longevity COD 4 has an online multiplayer, at times it is quite addictive however its mainly just your standard: get shot in the back, shoot someone in the back or both hold the fire button until someone falls over; I suppose it’s probably better on PC with mouse-controlled guns. If you own a ps3 and you like first person shooters it is probably a sin not to own Call of duty 4 so you should go to amazon and buy it now!

Condemned 2 is an awesome game; the atmosphere is shit scary it truly brings honour to the term ’survival horror’. Unlike certain survival horror games like Resident evil 4 where everything’s scary until you realise a shotgun blast can take an enemy’s head clean off in one shot (at which point the game becomes a merry fun-fest) the enemies in Condemned 2 are creepy, brutal and skilled. You can get away from most scrapes unharmed but you’ll allways focus on strategic fist fighting. For this game i wholeheartedly recommend a High-definition tv as standard definition really can’t capture the truly pant-wetting atmosphere and that is what horror is all about. I let my friend play Condemned for about 30 minutes and heres what he had to say: http://liamki.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/condemned-2/ – I think he describes it better than I do. So why is this only a first glance? well i didn’t finish the game – I found myself getting either stuck or lost every 20 minutes (10 minutes of which was just random exploring or fighting bloodied hobo’s) I had it on rental so I sent it back due to accumulative frustration. Despite this I do recommend Condemned 2 to almost any gamer I actually give it a thumbs up.

P.S. if you do read one of my articles please leave a comment, according to blogspot 17 people have read my blog in total. I really want to feel like somebody is actually reading what I’m spending my time writing.

pclinuxos 2008?

So first linux review on it’s way; I expect pclinuxos 2008 to come out any day now. Last month texstar said he expected this release to come out sometime in June (source: http://www.pclinuxos.com/index.php?option=com_smf&Itemid=26&topic=45802.0) so hopefully since its getting toward July pclinuxos should be right around the corner.

My theory is that they were waiting for the stable release of firefox 3, since that came out a while ago there’s probably some heavy work going on now. Though that said I first theorised that it would be released last march (I expected it to be scheduled for release in January but that was too close to the release of 2007). Later I theorised that it would come on May 20th (exactly one year after 2007). Soooo yeah it’s all speculation at the moment.

Anyway to the point, as soon as pclinuxos 2008 is released I will install it and use it for a week before reviewing it here on wordpress.

P.S. A bit of tasty information here: according to this reviewer pclinuxos 2008 will ship with kde 4 but I wouldn’t consider this a reliable source so  take from it what you will (source:http://distrogue.blogspot.com/2008/01/pclinuxos-2008-and-we-have-another.html)

Metal Gear Solid 4

This game is indescribable, It’s not really a ‘game’ as such more a cinematic with small sections of gameplay that links the cutscenes; as a video game it’s quite poor but as an experience it’s fantastic. The brilliant game play is still there’s just not enough of it. Newcomers won’t get nearly as much out of this game as us MGS vets, imagine this game as a 10-15 hour movie, anybody who comes in at the last quarter will find themselves scratching their head as to what’s going on (I’m sure newcomers expect to actually play the game) whereas those who have been playing since MGS 1/2 will find themselves relishing in the story’s final conclusive finally.

Personally I’ve completed MGS 1, completed MGS 2 three times and I’ve completed MGS 3 four times. The constant cinematic story was welcome to my bamboozled brain. The cutscenes in MGS 4 were actually a joy to watch unlike the cutscenes from the previous installments they never seemed long-windedly pointless (though not only are they super long but they are great in number) they only really drag on when you time them or need to go somewhere soon. Its a massive shame there isn’t much gameplay to be had due to the awesome action-packed cutscenes I’d dare say they actually replaced the intense gameplay with the cinematic.

so in short: if you’ve never played Metal Gear Solid before go buy MGS 1, if you’ve played the previous games and the story has left you curious go buy MGS 4, if you’re some kinda MGS fanboy who wants to see more snake or are desperate for at least an hour of solid stealth gameplay then you can buy MGS 4 aswell.

overall I give this game: 8/10, it lost 1 point for lacking gameplay and the other point was lost because newcomers won’t get as much out of it as long-term fans.

P.S Upon reading this it feels as if I’m being too negative, I really enjoyed this game; props to the MGS team they did a great job

Maddox tribute/My cock is massive

This being my first real post I thought i’d start with some random shit. I am a huge fan of Maddox (http://maddox.xmission.com) his writing is brilliant, anyways to the point I was doing my english creative writing coursework and well I got bored and wrote this:

Side notes:

• This is merely a tribute to maddox’s writing, the content is 100% original
• This writing is mostly fictional it is VERY loosely based on reality

• This is extremely long, its hilarious but if you have a short attention span I’m warning you now

My COCK is massive

I was walking down the road a while ago when a women stepped on my DICK, it was at this point I realised that most people’s wouldn’t be trailing a large length behind them; it was now obvious that my COCK is massive so massive in fact that it can only be written in capital letters. Obviously I forgave the women as I was screwing her within minutes; it was easy to convince her to ride the giant BEAST as she was probably impressed by my super impressive SEX SOLDIER. I like having this giant MEAT SLAB in between my legs, I like the way I can stand on a beach in England and be the only guy there screwing a chick in France. There are however a few problems with it, for example last time I had a wank I knocked a satellite out of orbit and of course I hit it by accident (since my japs eye is the only part of me that’s high enough to see into space) but the chinese government is still charging me £300,000 for the damages. I bet they only charged me because I ruined an opportunity for them to perv on a women who’s tits were as big as my balls (which of course are huge) speaking of my balls it’s worth mentioning that if I rest my epic WANG on my meaty sperm sack and use lube I can effectively create the worlds largest slide. That’s what’s so great about my SHLONG it had many uses, it almost made me a professional footballer as I could use my KNOB to save the shots but apparently the public didn’t want to see such ‘indecency’ so here’s a message for those bastard football managers, “your entire team can go sit on my dick (and of course they would all fit)”. I remember when I used to play golf; I would use my CLUB as the golf club ‘THWACK’ 500 yard drive bitch! unfortunately it was extremely annoying to have to climb a ladder every time I wanted to take a shot so in the end I just quit. Once a boxer challenged how tough my PRICK was. Then I got an erection and trust me it was the best 1-hit KO you’ll ever see. That happened to a girl once she was trying to give me a blow job and as soon as she undid my flies she immediately knocked herself out as well as the 3000 other women in the queue. I guess that’s what’s so great about my LOVE MUSCLE it is indeed great, it’s size alone is enough to make the empire state building feel like an insecure midget. Of course being so immense my MANHOOD is extremely hard to control; I once tried to cock slap a man, BAM knocked the bitch out cold – but I also took out most of Italy by accident. It’s hard to believe that I house such an immense SUPER SAUSAGE in my pants, it may look normal size but my TROUSER SNAKE is held in by a super-tough custom designed pair of boxers made out of penultimatium (the only metal strong enough to hold my MEAT and two veg). Nobody can challenge my CROTCH ROCKET and if you feel like pissing me off you should always remember that I can cock slap both you and your entire family to the moon in one fell swoop.

welcome to my excitingly boring life

so  the first post, your first glimpse into the life of bulletspawn. Incase you haven’t noticed i’m just being vague as I don’t know what i’m going to write about but in general I am a drunkard geek so in the future you can expect to see:

• linux reviews/raves
• video game reviews/raves
• anime reviews/raves
• the occasional drunkard story
• random shit
• general geekery
• a mini diary of my life (AKA more random shit)